Consume Me

Why are we so consumed by love. The need to love and to be loved surrounding our every thought. Why have we become inept to functioning as an indivual? As a society we are so dependent on everyone else. Using who we are with rather than who we are as the means to define and measure success. It is sickening really.

We have more opportunities than every to acheive in the work place. To excel at positions once only held by men. I have one of these. A job where I am well recognized for the work that I do and I am continually given new challenges to overcome. Yet I do not feel like this is enough. I feel like I have failed because I have not found Mr. Right. I have found Mr. Right Now a plenty. Usually by their choice not mine. Yet I cannot find that line. Between too much and not enough.

They say when you stop looking you'll find whatever it is that you were looking for.

Yet the thrill of the chase is all consuming.

Multi Faceted

you upset me. but I don't know if it is you yourself that upsets me so much. or the fact that once again I gave everything and got nothing in return. that's not true. I get to repeatedly watch you tell your world how you can't get a girlfriend. cannot and choose not are two different things last time I checked. and it takes every decent bone in my body to not decipher the two and blow your cover. I get to read all of these girls telling you how amazing you are, how any girl would be silly not to be with you. girls who only know the facet your job creates. girls who don't know that the foolish thing is falling for you.

you used to tell me that was what you liked about me. that I saw the other sides of you. more importantly that I not only accepted but also embraced those sides of you. that I wasn't in it because of your job.

I miss those sides of you.

even if I only got to experience a quick glimpse.

you should reveal them more often.

Foolish Games

Why do we always want what we can't have and dispose of what we can.
Why do we throw away the good things in life in favor of disfunction.

Girls don't want nice guys.
and guys don't want nice girls.
We want the drama, the instability and the insecurities.
because if we actually wanted the nice guy we would have them.
If guys actually wanted the good girl.
well we'd have a few less... I won't even go there.

Why do we thrive off of the stupid vibes.
is it the thrill of the chase that makes us so blind to reality.
why are we so willing to give everything that we have
every time there is a sliver of hope.
even though we know that it's not actually going to get us anywhere.
why do we fool ourselves.

why do we shut ourselves out from the genuine people around us.
why do we ignore their efforts
acts of kindness that have no hidden meaning.
we cannot just accept a gift for what it is anymore.
or a favor for the sake of helping someone out.

why do we throw away companionship and compatibility,
holding hands, silly moments, someone to turn to, quiet friday nights,
random dates, blaring cheesy music, falling asleep together.
for a good ... well you know.

Why do we let go of the good ones.
for a chance at right now.
why do we lead eachother on.
only to end things with a heart-wrenching blow off.

because nice isn't what we actually want.
if we did we wouldn't hurt eachother.
we wouldn't play games.
there would be no guessing.
waiting, hoping, anticipating.
there would be no losers.
in this foolish game.